Shade

I can relate to this one so well too Cat. Sometimes I battle with "Just because I do not care if I die doesn't mean I am suicidal." And I still do to some degree. Like, just saying, if something were to happen to my brother..idk. I would have nothing left to really live for. I don't feel that means I am suicidal really though. What would I have? My mom has passed. If my brother were to pass, what? I can't take care of myself fully with my disorders and I certainly am not close enough to Angie and Ashley, sometimes I think we "fake" even really caring about each other for my brother's sake so I wouldn't want to live with them and they probably wouldn't want me either so, what? Just saying is all. My hope is that I pass before my brother because my brother is stronger and would be able to deal with my passing better than I would his though of course it would be hard on him too, he would just deal with it better. Either that or sometimes I just feel like disappearing.

Michael, I take things one day at a time and there is no use looking to a future that may or may not be.  Take heart, my friend, your brother loves you.