Post by goldenmyst on Aug 19, 2018 23:01:15 GMT -6
Anniversary in Las Vegas
The manager opens his arms in a behold gesture. He says, “Get naked. Get high. Our hot tubs are designed for intimate encounters. We can even have some of our gorgeous ladies accompany you and your wife for the night of a lifetime.”
I grab my honey by the buns. She laughs and says, “Darling, not in front of the spa guy.”
My squeeze turns to a pat on her derriere. I tell the spa dude, “Sex is best one on one. So we’ll forgo the extra add-ins to our night in paradise. She is all I ever need or want.”
He stops directing our movie and lets the improvisation begin. “Hey, I was just offering. It is you and your wife’s evening. I’ll just step out and you and the missus can get started.”
Now I set the mood for romance. “Much thanks. Cindy, he’s gone. Let’s break out that bottle of chardonnay. You never looked more beautiful.”
Cindy introduces the plot twist I awaited. My Pavlovian response thickens. “Honey, let’s drink and soak in the Jacuzzi. My shoulders are all in knots and I need to relax.”
I jump on this turn of events like a dog on a bone. “Let me rub some of that tension out. Let’s undress and get tipsy.”
My puppy bone turns from bacon to plain Jane rawhide with her words. “Sweetie, I’m ashamed to say, but I’m not in the mood for sex. I know you spent a lot of money on this place with that expectation. But I just want to enjoy being with you.”
Like a cinematographer who can’t let go of his perfect camera angle, I persist. “Awww, I sure was hoping for some hanky panky. But a kiss is still a kiss like the song goes. So let’s just smooch. I guess we’re both getting older and though the spirit is willing the flesh doesn’t always cooperate.”
Like a casting director who would never let go of her favorite actor she counters. “I’d never want to do it with anyone but you. Ahhh, I love the feel of that water rushing over me. Sit here with me John. The current feels great right in this spot.”
My lines are cubist as though from a model depicted in a Picasso painting. “Let’s drink a toast to marriage with all its ups and downs.”
Cindy bites her lower lip. “More ups than downs with me I hope?”
Suddenly I am in an Escher world with no exit. “I’ve never regretted tying the knot with you. You are my singular source of love.”
Now I am doing an all-night dance with the stamina of a seventy-year-old. “Honey, I don’t mean to be rude. However, your hand on my sex is distracting. I told you I don’t want to make love now. Please respect my wishes and body.”
My tongue waggles like that of a street singer who has lost his rhythm. “I can get you in the mood. Just give in to your primal need. I am an expert at arousing females.”
My cat is out of the bag. “We agreed not to have sex tonight. Hey, how many women have you turned on? I thought I was your first and only. That’s what you told me. So you’ve shared a bed with other women? How long ago?”
I struggle to get that damn feline back in the bag. “Those women were just rehearsals. You are my completion.”
Now the cat runs wild. “You never told me you had other women before me. Why didn’t you tell me? I would never have minded. But you lying to
me I do mind.”
Like a game show host whose contestant lost the big prize, I offer her the next one up. “Please forgive me. I can promise you that I never had an affair on you.”
As the runner-up, she bemoans the new car of love she could’ve won. “Well, this has been quite an anniversary. What a surprise. Please kiss me and make it all better.”
I try to make the moped she won look like a shiny new Cadillac. “Of course my love.”
She defrocks the priestly gent she married. “What else are you hiding from me? Were you a Christian when you met me? That is what you told me.”
I hover like a cartoon character about to fall. “I exaggerated some. I didn’t go to church or have specific beliefs about God. But one thing I did know was that I loved you.”
I pray for the first time. “So when you attend church with me now are you just faking it?”
I try to muster speaking in tongues to prove to her my devotion. “You, my honey pie, saved my soul. You led me back to God when I was a lost lamb. I may not believe everything in the Bible. However, you showed me the way home.”
She trembles and my heart beats with the rhythm of a child playing a toy drum. “OK, I have to process all this. Let’s just relax here for a while. I have to think things through.”
The manager opens his arms in a behold gesture. He says, “Get naked. Get high. Our hot tubs are designed for intimate encounters. We can even have some of our gorgeous ladies accompany you and your wife for the night of a lifetime.”
I grab my honey by the buns. She laughs and says, “Darling, not in front of the spa guy.”
My squeeze turns to a pat on her derriere. I tell the spa dude, “Sex is best one on one. So we’ll forgo the extra add-ins to our night in paradise. She is all I ever need or want.”
He stops directing our movie and lets the improvisation begin. “Hey, I was just offering. It is you and your wife’s evening. I’ll just step out and you and the missus can get started.”
Now I set the mood for romance. “Much thanks. Cindy, he’s gone. Let’s break out that bottle of chardonnay. You never looked more beautiful.”
Cindy introduces the plot twist I awaited. My Pavlovian response thickens. “Honey, let’s drink and soak in the Jacuzzi. My shoulders are all in knots and I need to relax.”
I jump on this turn of events like a dog on a bone. “Let me rub some of that tension out. Let’s undress and get tipsy.”
My puppy bone turns from bacon to plain Jane rawhide with her words. “Sweetie, I’m ashamed to say, but I’m not in the mood for sex. I know you spent a lot of money on this place with that expectation. But I just want to enjoy being with you.”
Like a cinematographer who can’t let go of his perfect camera angle, I persist. “Awww, I sure was hoping for some hanky panky. But a kiss is still a kiss like the song goes. So let’s just smooch. I guess we’re both getting older and though the spirit is willing the flesh doesn’t always cooperate.”
Like a casting director who would never let go of her favorite actor she counters. “I’d never want to do it with anyone but you. Ahhh, I love the feel of that water rushing over me. Sit here with me John. The current feels great right in this spot.”
My lines are cubist as though from a model depicted in a Picasso painting. “Let’s drink a toast to marriage with all its ups and downs.”
Cindy bites her lower lip. “More ups than downs with me I hope?”
Suddenly I am in an Escher world with no exit. “I’ve never regretted tying the knot with you. You are my singular source of love.”
Now I am doing an all-night dance with the stamina of a seventy-year-old. “Honey, I don’t mean to be rude. However, your hand on my sex is distracting. I told you I don’t want to make love now. Please respect my wishes and body.”
My tongue waggles like that of a street singer who has lost his rhythm. “I can get you in the mood. Just give in to your primal need. I am an expert at arousing females.”
My cat is out of the bag. “We agreed not to have sex tonight. Hey, how many women have you turned on? I thought I was your first and only. That’s what you told me. So you’ve shared a bed with other women? How long ago?”
I struggle to get that damn feline back in the bag. “Those women were just rehearsals. You are my completion.”
Now the cat runs wild. “You never told me you had other women before me. Why didn’t you tell me? I would never have minded. But you lying to
me I do mind.”
Like a game show host whose contestant lost the big prize, I offer her the next one up. “Please forgive me. I can promise you that I never had an affair on you.”
As the runner-up, she bemoans the new car of love she could’ve won. “Well, this has been quite an anniversary. What a surprise. Please kiss me and make it all better.”
I try to make the moped she won look like a shiny new Cadillac. “Of course my love.”
She defrocks the priestly gent she married. “What else are you hiding from me? Were you a Christian when you met me? That is what you told me.”
I hover like a cartoon character about to fall. “I exaggerated some. I didn’t go to church or have specific beliefs about God. But one thing I did know was that I loved you.”
I pray for the first time. “So when you attend church with me now are you just faking it?”
I try to muster speaking in tongues to prove to her my devotion. “You, my honey pie, saved my soul. You led me back to God when I was a lost lamb. I may not believe everything in the Bible. However, you showed me the way home.”
She trembles and my heart beats with the rhythm of a child playing a toy drum. “OK, I have to process all this. Let’s just relax here for a while. I have to think things through.”
