Post by goldenmyst on Oct 29, 2019 1:29:44 GMT -6
A Sly Wife on the Ploy
Rowena says, “Doug, we got hitched five years ago. But if you knew what kind of girl Friday I was to make a living in college you’d send me to bed without supper. You might even hire a private investigator to get the goods on me. This girl has skeletons in her closet but I’m going to give you an expose worthy of a tabloid rag. But it won’t be as bad as the wife who Bobbited her husband for not being on time for supper.”
“Ro, wild college times are nothing to write home about. If I told you about the time I streaked across the quadrangle while the girls cat called me well I’d feel bad the women weren’t shocked which is the intention of every flasher. Well, there the cat is out of the bag. It took me a while to reveal to you that I collected girlie magazines and in fact still had them stashed under the bed.”
“Oh, I found those on our first night together. All young men do that. I’d just as soon get flustered with the sun for rising in the morning.”
Doug replies, “I never knew you cased my joint that night. But if you want I can throw them out. They are just memorabilia now. I hardly need them now that I have a blonde bombshell wife.”
“How romantic. There is something I have to tell you which may cause you to send me packing. But this ole cat may have run out of lives. What the girls at the hairdresser hear you get to know.”
Doug replies, “If you told me that you were a Ponzi schemer who defrauded rich old man for millions it wouldn’t faze me.”
“If I’d done that the feds would be riding herd on me in a place where the sun don’t shine.”
“Let me guess you were bi-curious as a young lady? Haven’t we all been through that phase?”
Ro says, “Well my first kiss was with a girl. But you’re desensitized to that as I already know from some of the pictures in your magazines. Besides, it was only an experiment to see if I really did have such leanings which it turned out I didn’t. Often I wish I did. It would have doubled my dating prospects as a young woman.”
Doug replies, “So lay it on me. What is the supposed earth-shaking news you have which may forever change our feelings toward one another?”
Ro says, “Honey, while in college I was strapped for cash and the only reference on my resume was my high school home economics teacher. So I saw an ad on the bulletin board in the student union for women to accompany businessmen to parties. Getting all dolled up with free drinks and food for wingdings sounded better than the sorority life. So I jumped on that job like a cat on a rubber mouse. On my first night, the guy invited me back to his hotel room after the gala event for cognac and to introduce me to his friends. In his tuxedo, he looked like a gentleman but looks can be deceiving. So I shadowed him. He opened his briefcase and there were stacks of hundred dollar bills. He offered me five hundred dollars to spend the night with him. And so I was introduced to the world of call girls.”
Doug replies, “If I’d known that I sure would have worn my galosh with you. That is until you were tested. You may have welcomed me to the wonderful world of herpes or even AIDs.”
Rowena says, “Oh, honey I gave that life up a lifetime ago. I’m sorry. If you send me packing I deserve it. God, I never thought it would come to this. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me I’d be glad to fix the most delicious vegan pot pie you’ve ever had.”
Doug replies, “Honey, STDs are as much a part of youth as pimples.”
Ro says, “Please don’t abandon me. It is true I may be HIV positive. Nothing I can say now will make up for not giving you the pre-nuptial scoop.”
Doug replies, “Gal, I love you so much that no disease would’ve kept me from your side. Just get tested, my love.”
“I slipped half and half in your coffee instead of serving you the straight espresso you deserve. That stockbroker and I did share a bed for one night. But I gave him the low-down that I was saving myself for marriage. Hence, we didn’t even kiss. It was a chaste night upon whose conclusion he paid me the money for nothing more than my company. And this scene was never to be repeated. Of course, I got the proper pre-nuptial tests which cleared me of infectious diseases. I just needed to hear that your love is 100 proof.”
Ro kisses Doug like a woman on fire with the Gospel but whose Pentecost is her man. Doug replies, “You put the fear of the Lord in me.”
Ro says, “I don’t deserve to make whoopee tonight but there is a gallon of chocolate ice cream in the fridge. Though I am not worthy of even a scoop of the good stuff grant me your mercy to devour a pint.”
Rowena says, “Doug, we got hitched five years ago. But if you knew what kind of girl Friday I was to make a living in college you’d send me to bed without supper. You might even hire a private investigator to get the goods on me. This girl has skeletons in her closet but I’m going to give you an expose worthy of a tabloid rag. But it won’t be as bad as the wife who Bobbited her husband for not being on time for supper.”
“Ro, wild college times are nothing to write home about. If I told you about the time I streaked across the quadrangle while the girls cat called me well I’d feel bad the women weren’t shocked which is the intention of every flasher. Well, there the cat is out of the bag. It took me a while to reveal to you that I collected girlie magazines and in fact still had them stashed under the bed.”
“Oh, I found those on our first night together. All young men do that. I’d just as soon get flustered with the sun for rising in the morning.”
Doug replies, “I never knew you cased my joint that night. But if you want I can throw them out. They are just memorabilia now. I hardly need them now that I have a blonde bombshell wife.”
“How romantic. There is something I have to tell you which may cause you to send me packing. But this ole cat may have run out of lives. What the girls at the hairdresser hear you get to know.”
Doug replies, “If you told me that you were a Ponzi schemer who defrauded rich old man for millions it wouldn’t faze me.”
“If I’d done that the feds would be riding herd on me in a place where the sun don’t shine.”
“Let me guess you were bi-curious as a young lady? Haven’t we all been through that phase?”
Ro says, “Well my first kiss was with a girl. But you’re desensitized to that as I already know from some of the pictures in your magazines. Besides, it was only an experiment to see if I really did have such leanings which it turned out I didn’t. Often I wish I did. It would have doubled my dating prospects as a young woman.”
Doug replies, “So lay it on me. What is the supposed earth-shaking news you have which may forever change our feelings toward one another?”
Ro says, “Honey, while in college I was strapped for cash and the only reference on my resume was my high school home economics teacher. So I saw an ad on the bulletin board in the student union for women to accompany businessmen to parties. Getting all dolled up with free drinks and food for wingdings sounded better than the sorority life. So I jumped on that job like a cat on a rubber mouse. On my first night, the guy invited me back to his hotel room after the gala event for cognac and to introduce me to his friends. In his tuxedo, he looked like a gentleman but looks can be deceiving. So I shadowed him. He opened his briefcase and there were stacks of hundred dollar bills. He offered me five hundred dollars to spend the night with him. And so I was introduced to the world of call girls.”
Doug replies, “If I’d known that I sure would have worn my galosh with you. That is until you were tested. You may have welcomed me to the wonderful world of herpes or even AIDs.”
Rowena says, “Oh, honey I gave that life up a lifetime ago. I’m sorry. If you send me packing I deserve it. God, I never thought it would come to this. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me I’d be glad to fix the most delicious vegan pot pie you’ve ever had.”
Doug replies, “Honey, STDs are as much a part of youth as pimples.”
Ro says, “Please don’t abandon me. It is true I may be HIV positive. Nothing I can say now will make up for not giving you the pre-nuptial scoop.”
Doug replies, “Gal, I love you so much that no disease would’ve kept me from your side. Just get tested, my love.”
“I slipped half and half in your coffee instead of serving you the straight espresso you deserve. That stockbroker and I did share a bed for one night. But I gave him the low-down that I was saving myself for marriage. Hence, we didn’t even kiss. It was a chaste night upon whose conclusion he paid me the money for nothing more than my company. And this scene was never to be repeated. Of course, I got the proper pre-nuptial tests which cleared me of infectious diseases. I just needed to hear that your love is 100 proof.”
Ro kisses Doug like a woman on fire with the Gospel but whose Pentecost is her man. Doug replies, “You put the fear of the Lord in me.”
Ro says, “I don’t deserve to make whoopee tonight but there is a gallon of chocolate ice cream in the fridge. Though I am not worthy of even a scoop of the good stuff grant me your mercy to devour a pint.”
Everyone have a great weekend!!!!